We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
