I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he thought i was a dude.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
