I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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