I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
