oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
