Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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