On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
