And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
