why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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