Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
