so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
