I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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