erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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