Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
