i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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