you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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