:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
