just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
