She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
