how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
