So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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