I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
