fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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