i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize