im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
