11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
