I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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