why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
