Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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