Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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