i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
