Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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