Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
