thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
