Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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