And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
