If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
