So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
