Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
