Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
