At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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