Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
