If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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