Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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