I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
