Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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