What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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