Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
