just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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