party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
