Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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