youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
