party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
