First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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