Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
