i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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