At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
sex in a hospital.. check
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
