Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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