They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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