I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize