Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
