yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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