we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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