I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
