one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
