...so i touched it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
