All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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