I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
