Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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