i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
