The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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