I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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